


Valeatis (may you all be well)

by fallentears, perennialroot



Series: A Life Worth Living to Completion [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adoption, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Arguing, Child Abuse, Drug Use, Gen, Good Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt Wilbur Soot, Illegal Activities, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other characters will also be added, Panic Attacks, Parent Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Protective TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Technoblade is Bad at Feelings (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Loves Bees, Wilbur Soot is Not Okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallentears/pseuds/fallentears, https://archiveofourown.org/users/perennialroot/pseuds/perennialroot
Summary: It's like living in a place you aren't sure you can call your home, living in a house that's really not a place you'd feel comfortable calling home, without safety, you're anxious and there's nothing holding you up anymore, you fall so hard into never ending sadness and you fall numb. There is just something missing and you feel the urge to find it even if you hurt those you call home to bring that piece to them.
Relationships: Jschlatt & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Zak Ahmed & Technoblade
Series: A Life Worth Living to Completion [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094255
Comments: 21
Kudos: 111





	1. When we were us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What makes a home, is it somewhere you are safe? Somewhere you care about, where you stay? Can it be someone that you deeply care about? What happens when the best thing to do for your home is to leave?

!TW, panic attacks and mild self harm!

Techno grabbed a duffle bag out of his closet and started to stuff all of his clothes inside, ignoring the fact that Wilbur was sobbing right on his bed, silently begging him not to leave. The pinkette slammed his closet door closed and walked over to his desk, throwing various random things into the bag. _Fingers in a fist like you might run._ Techno turned to Wilbur, “I’m sorry, Wil. I can’t fucking be here anymore.” he said, a look filled with barely concealed pity on his face.

Wilbur sniffled and shook his head, pulling the sleeves of his comforting, worn sweater down to his palms and wiping his nose with it. He looked like a wreck, and he honestly felt like one. He and Techno had always been together, fighting through everything that was thrown at them and helping each other with abusive foster parents. They had always been best friends, even throughout the multiple fights and petty jokes, they stayed attached at the hip and always made up within a week. Wilbur was scared for him to leave, he wasn’t ready to deal with things himself and live alone, he wasn’t ready to lose the one person that had been holding him up for so long. 

Techno left the room and Wilbur followed, just to see Techno walking out of the door and getting into his friend's car, without a goodbye. He walked back to the room and saw Techno’s phone was still on his desk along with the charger and AirPods. He closed the door as he looked around the room, **_‘_** **He was really set on leaving, wasn’t he? Why wasn’t I good enough to make him stay? What did I do wrong? We’ve been together for almost our whole lives. Was I just not enough for him? He was really set on cutting everyone off, just like that. He didn’t even say goodbye to me.’** Wilbur let out a sob and let his body slide down the wall behind the door, pulling his knees up to his chest and sobbing into them, finding it extremely difficult to breathe as he scratched desperately at his shins to distract him from his terrible thoughts, but it didn’t work. _I try to keep my cool but my life turns in slow motion._ His heart was rapidly pounding in his chest as he looked around for something to help him, but everything in Techno’s room reminded him of the good times he had shared with the pinkette. Wilbur choked out another sob and covered his ears as they started ringing, the obnoxiously loud sound in the otherwise silent room made him shake violently. 

The door opened in front of him and Wilbur looked up, seeing Phil gently closing the door and sat next to him, holding up ten fingers and taking a deep breath, urging Wilbur to copy. He did so, struggling to take each breath. He followed Phils breath until he could take steadier but still somewhat shaky breaths . “It’s okay Wilbur, you’ll get through this.” Phil said once he’d mostly calmed down, “can I ask what caused this?” The brunette pointed towards Techno’s phone, mouthing the words ‘he left us, he’s gone’. Phil nodded and stood up, holding out a hand for Wilbur to take. He pulled him off the cold floor, leading him out of Techno’s room and into the living room. “We’ll get this figured out, okay Will? We’ll get Techno back, I promise.” He said as he sat Wilbur down and left to go get bandages, a wet washcloth, and neosporin for the cuts he’d given himself on his shins in his panic.

Wilbur looked around nervously, thinking Phil was mad at him, unable to comprehend the soft, careful actions and genuine, unadulterated love the man was showing him. He wasn’t sure what to do, what to say, he just sat on the couch with his knees pulled up to his chest in the way that had always felt oddly comforting to him, now numb to the pain he felt in his leg. He started to listen closely to all of his surroundings, focusing on the low buzzing he heard from the old TV Phil’s had ever since he’d adopted Wilbur and Techno. It was barely used anymore, they used to have family movie nights when the two were younger, but that stopped once they’d started high school. Wilbur remembered how obsessed he was with How To Train Your Dragon, they watched it so often that he remembered the dialogue to the first and half of the second movie. _‘_ **Yeah, and that’ll never happen again. I shouldn’t have let Techno leave. I should’ve done something differently. It’s all my fault, if I had just stayed out of his way maybe this wouldn’t have happened-’** Wilbur’s thoughts were interrupted by Phil coming back into the room with the supplies he needed to patch up his leg. 

“Do you want me to put on some music, Will?” Phil asked as he made his way over to him, “I know you don’t do too well in silence.” Wilbur nodded and Phil put on a random playlist, setting his phone on the end table and he began to clean up Wilbur’s leg.

“I’m sorry Phil, this is all my fault. If I had just stopped him none of this would be happening.” Wilbur randomly blurted out, refusing to look Phil in the eyes as the older man sighed. _Superparadise I held on to._

“Don’t blame yourself, Will. There’s nothing that could’ve been done about it and there’s nothing you could have done differently. This was his decision, you didn’t have anything to do with it. If anything you’re the only reason he’s waited this long to leave,” he said, putting bandages on the cuts, “I noticed that he’d been acting differently and I knew he was eventually going to lash out or do something irrational, but I didn’t think it’d be like this.”

The last few minutes were filled with silence, the only sound was the quiet music that was playing. Wilbur refused to believe it wasn’t his fault, blaming himself for everything wrong that went down was one of the things he would never be able to get rid of. _I miss him, don't you blame me._ He’d thought that way ever since he was little, when his parents gave him up and threw him in the unforgiving hellscape that is the foster system. Wilbur overheard a conversation between the two when he was younger, hearing they had to give him up because he was a financial burden and had taken a toll on their mental health. That and growing up with abusive homes and having been bullied for years in school, he’d learned it was best to just stay out of everyone’s way and he was alone for most of his life. He got a job at 14 and paid for almost everything he had himself. Wilbur realized he didn’t need to only rely on himself when Techno, who was in almost the same situation, came along. Then, together they got adopted by Phil and it started to get better, his mindset was still shit but it was no longer caused by his environment. _Curled up in a grip when we were us_.

Phil got done with Wilbur’s leg and got up, taking everything to put it back in the kitchen. Wilbur got up and paused the music on Phil’s phone, putting it on the bar and starting to walk back to his room. He stopped once he saw Phil putting on his shoes. “I’m going to go look for Techno, I have an idea of where he is. You can stay here if you want.” He said, taking his phone from the spot Wilbur had gently placed it. Wilbur could only nod and shamble to his room, where he laid down and pulled the covers over his head, the show he had previously been watching still playing in the background on his TV. _I feel so fucking numb._ He curled up and laid awake, deciding to attempt to stay up until Phil got back, not really caring that it was almost midnight. **‘At least Phil has to come back, he wouldn’t just leave his house like that. He may not care about me but all his things are still here.’** _I settle for a ghost I never knew, superparadise I held on to, but I settle for a ghost._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song The Other Side of Paradise by Glass Animals


	2. Heartbreak was never so loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A place away from a home you run from and refuse to let in only causes more issues, answering the safe call of home would have been so much simpler.

Skeppy pulled up to Phil’s house and waited there impatiently while taping his foot against the hollow cavity of the car for a few minutes before texting Techno that he was there to pick him up. Techno came rushing out of the door a few seconds later with a large bag that Skeppy assumed that he had just stuffed everything he deemed important into. Techno threw the car door open and shoved the bag into the back before, letting out a sigh before letting his head fall into his hands. “Okay, I agreed to pick you up, now you have to tell me why you’re leaving with such little warning.” Skeppy articulated in a slightly exasperated tone, putting the car in drive. Techno stuttered over his words, not really used to telling any of this kind of stuff to anyone other than Wilbur. He made a deal with Skeppy that if he would pick him up he’d tell him why, but he wasn’t really expecting him to actually ask him about it. He started to really regret making him that promise, then again making any promise to the prankster was never really a good idea to begin with. _It's all so incredibly loud, It's all so incredibly loud._

“I just- I can’t really stay in one place for too long.. It just gets me really anxious, I start to think that whoever I’m staying with is just going to kick me out like everybody else, so I’ve just gotten in a really bad habit of just leaving when I start to think like that,” Techno explained, “after all you can’t hurt someone who isn't around.” Skeppy could only nod and keep driving, the ride to his house was almost an hour from Phil’s, which meant both of them had to sit in an awkward silence since neither of them knew what to say. _Whispers would deafen me now, you don't make a sound._ Skeppy had tried to make conversation, but Techno just dodged it completely, lost in his own thoughts. He felt bad for just leaving Wilbur alone, especially since he knew how much he relied on him and how long they’d been together. He wished he could have taken Will with him, because no matter how much he refused to admit it he relied on Will too. Of course he did, when someone’s been your best and only friend for that long, it’s expected. They’d been friends for almost 6 years, ever since they were nine or ten. Techno’s favorite memory was when they figured out their birthday was on the same day and they could celebrate together. For their first birthday together, Wilbur gave Techno a paper crown with a giant T on it and a wooden sword, and Techno gave him a red beanie that Will still wore every day. Techno still had the crown, keeping it safe in a little pocket in his bag. The sword had unfortunately gotten taken away from him when they moved homes. _I tried for you and I, for too hard, for too long._

The car came to a sudden violent stop and it knocked Techno out of his daydream, realizing they were at Skeppy’s house. They both took off their seatbelts and stepped out of the car, Techno grabbing his bag before closing the door and walking up to the door with his friend. Skeppy unlocked the door and walked in, welcoming Techno inside. Techno realized there was a scrawny blond twig like human sitting in the living room with a dirty red and white shirt and some weird looking cargo shorts. He’d never seen the kid before. “That’s Tommy, my parents have been fostering him for like a month,” Skeppy said, “Toms, this is Techno. He’s gonna chill here for a while.” 

“Don’t call me that.” The blond muttered out before getting off the couch. “Also, Techno? What the fuck kind of name is that? Is it a nickname or something? ‘Cuz if it’s not your parents majorly fucked you over.” 

“Maybe you should try changing your nasty cargo shorts before trying to insult me, kid.” Techno shot back venomously with a cold blank stare. Tommy looked slightly offended as he took a look down at his pants. Techno wasn’t really sure what he was judging, how dirty they were or the younger's absolutely terrible fashion sense, probably both. Skeppy let out a chuckle before leading Techno to his room, where a makeshift bed was sitting on the floor beside his desk.

“Sorry, I would’ve given you a bed but this wasn’t exactly planned.” Skeppy said, plopping on his own twin sized mattress. Techno shrugged and set his bag on the floor and fell onto the multiple blankets and pillows his friend had put on the ground, and just ended up falling asleep.

_Eye inside the storm._

He didn't dream of much or at least he didn’t think so, maybe some faint flashes of what looked like soft chestnut hair and sad doe like eyes. There was an overwhelming wave of regret and sadness that made his body feel as if it had been plunged into deep frigid water. He normally didn’t remember dreams so even just having these bits of convoluted feelings was odd. Maybe he should start one of those stupid dream journal things that Phil had absently suggested while making pancakes one day. Thinking of Phil just made the cold water feel even harder to tread but-

_I_ _break you, I cup your face, Awaken._

He was startled out of his thoughts about what his unconscious brain had conjured up by an unsettling bang coming from another room, which sounded like a pan hitting tile. _Super silence in the quiet._ He sat up and looked around and saw Skeppy was still fast asleep spread out like a starfish and half hanging off of the bed. Confused, he looked at the clock for the time and found it was almost 4am. He got up to go inspect the noise, quietly opening and closing the door to the room and walking down the stairs, peeking out from the hallway and seeing Skeppy’s mom standing over Tommy with a fist raised, the small boy’s body littered with cuts and bruises. _Water from your broken iris fall toward the floor._ Techno stood frozen, thoughts going a thousand miles an hour as his mum threw down another fist onto Tommy’s face. Techno quickly hid behind the wall and put his shaky hands to his eyes, chewing on his lip until it bled in an attempt to ground himself. He made the decision to walk back up the stairs as he heard their mom tell Tommy to go to bed and patch himself up. He made it back into Skeppy’s room and slowly laid back down on his side, covering his ears and feeling tears pool in his eyes, trying to calm down from what he had just witnessed. _Everything, waiting, shaking as it drops._

**‘No wonder his clothes were dirty.’** Techno thought, inaudibly sobbing as flashbacks to old homes flying through his head. He sat up and grabbed his bag, rummaging through it to find his phone so he could text Wilbur to try and calm himself down. Realization finally had hit him as he looked through the pocket the paper crown was in, he’d left it at Phil’s house. **‘No, I couldn’t have. I put it in my bag, I remember. I swear to god I did.’** He began to panic, searching through his pockets and on the floor. **‘It doesn’t matter. Wilbur’s probably mad at me anyways, after all I did just leave him alone. He wouldn’t care, he’d laugh at me.’** _I tried for you and I, for too hard, for too long. Gave it all and everything for more time, but I lost._ Techno sat in a silenced panic for what felt like hours before Skeppy’s alarm for work went off, **‘why the heck did he have crab rave set as an alarm?’** Techno laid back down and pretended to be asleep, trying to control his breathing as much as he could. The door opened and he opened his eyes a little bit to see who it was, and there was Tommy with messily bandaged up arms. Tommy walked over to Skeppy and started to shake him awake, turning off the alarm. Skeppy groaned and attempted to push Tommy away, accidentally hitting his arm causing the blond to hiss in pain. _Oooo, we're breaking down. Whispers would deafen me now, you don't make a sound. Heartbreak was never so loud._

“What the heck happened to you?” Skeppy asked groggily. 

Tommy laughed a bit, “I just fell down the stairs again, nothing new. I hate those damn things, they’re so steep. Anyways, you need to get to work or some shit like that.” Tommy left the room and shut the door behind him. Techno immediately shot up from the floor after he’d left and followed Tommy, ignoring Skeppy who was asking where he was going. “Oh hey Techno, why’re you following me?” 

“The bandages on your arms, let me fix them. They’re all messed up. Did you even clean the cuts?” Techno said with nothing but exasperation laced into his words. Tommy bit his lip and shrugged, crossing his arms carefully so he wouldn’t hurt them. “I saw what happened last night. I already know. Just let me fix your bandages so they actually do something.” _Two hearts folding, pulling everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song It's All So Incredibly Loud by Glass Animals


	3. I sit in the car and I listen to static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We hurt each other so often, Humans were built to harm and destroy. Is that why you try to not get close to others? Because you are aware of what will happen no matter what someone promises? It's pointless after all it's also human nature to get close to others and, in the end, be torn down until there is nothing left of you.

_Daddy was dumb, said that I'd be something special._

“It’s Monday, so Phil and Wilbur shouldn't be at the house,” Techno reassured Tommy, slipping on his jacket. "Actually I'm pretty sure Wilbur has a geometry test today." Tommy nodded and grabbed his phone and house keys. Techno slipped on his beat up nikes and walked out of the house, Tommy following close behind. They walked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, admiring the scenery around Skeppy's house. The sunrise was beautiful, various types of oranges, reds, yellows, and blues surrounded the sun along with fluffy gray clouds and big brick houses. 

Tommy stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and sighed, "Thank you, Techno," he started, "for helping me and taking me out of that place, even if it's just once. You're the first one who hasn't called me weak or stupid for not telling anybody about.. eh… my situation. I can't tell anybody, really, because they believe Skeppy's mom is so nice and she has so many excuses as to why I have my bruises, and no one else has seen it so they can't vouch for me. When I tried to tell someone all she did was hit me harder." Techno knew how Tommy felt, he'd been through it. _I can't get a job so I live with my mom, I take her money but not quite enough. I sit in the car and I listen to static._

"You're not weak. There's nothing you can do about it." Techno said simply, eyes focused on the ground as he walked. He didn't really want to talk about it, even if Tommy did. He'd been through it before, but all he ever did that worked was run away and hide. He wasn't adopted by Phil by law. He'd found him and Wilbur on the side of the road with torn dirty clothes, wounded and looking almost skinner than twigs and took them in. Techno didn't want Tommy to live the life he had, especially because it was just luck that Phil had found them in the first place. The only reason they survived was because Techno knew how to hunt and steal, which he doubted Tommy knew much about. _Come back down to my knees, gotta get back, gotta get free. Come back down to my knees, be like them, lean back and breathe_

The silence continued after that. Techno could tell Tommy wanted to say something but he refused to pry. Much more, he just wanted to avoid the conversation that whatever Tommy had to say would lead to. Techno hadn't expected Tommy to say anything to him at all, much less explain himself. Tommy didn't strike him as someone who believed he had to explain himself to anybody, that he just did what he wanted when he wanted to. Then again, everybody has an act they put on so no one knows what they actually feel. _Be like them, lean back and breathe._

Techno took a sharp turn on the street Phil lived on and hid behind a tree, peeking out to see Tommy completely and utterly confused as he looked around. The blond clearly hadn’t been paying attention to where they were going, he took out his phone to check where he was and Techno chuckled, sneaking up behind him and tapping his shoulder. Tommy screamed and dropped his phone and fell on his ass. “What the hell was that for, man?” He whined as he picked up his phone and stood up, brushing dirt from his pants. Techno motioned to the street and started walking again with a small soft smile on his face. Tommy scoffed and followed, making sure to pay attention to his surroundings this time. Techno came to an abrupt stop once he noticed Phil’s car in the driveway and Wilbur’s bike still in the yard. _I'm waking up, lost in boxes outside Tesco, look like a bum sipping codeine Coca-Cola._

He sighed, “stay here, nerd. I’m gonna go get my phone.” Tommy nodded and sat down on the sidewalk while Techno ran to the side of the house to where his room’s window is. Techno opened the window and climbed onto the fence that separated their house and the neighbor’s and jumped inside without making a sound. Techno looked around and felt a strange pang of safety and warmth inside of his chest, every memory he had with Phil and Wilbur flashing in his mind as he walked towards his desk to get his phone. **‘I could just stay.’** Techno picked up his phone, staring at it for quite a while, guilt picking at him as he unlocked the phone to see about a million missed text messages from his friends at school. Most of them asking what had happened, Techno figured Wilbur told them that he left. **‘No, you can’t be here anymore. You’ve already made the decision to leave and let them go.’** Techno sighed and threw the phone in his pocket along with his AirPods and charger. **‘Wilbur’s already pissed at you. He’d just shut you out.’** The thought rang in Techno’s head, a lingering thought. Tears pricked at his eyes, not being able to convince himself that the thoughts were wrong. He shook his head and made his way to the window. 

“Wilbur, it’s okay. We can find Techno, just because the one time I went looking for him I didn’t find him doesn’t mean we won’t find him.” He heard Phil’s muffled but calm voice say, making an attempt to reason with Wilbur, who’d been hysterically crying all day. “I’m gonna check Dream’s house next, if you want to come with me?” 

“No. It’s fine. I don’t fucking need him anyway, he was just was in my way. I’m actually really glad he left.” Wilbur said venomously, getting off of his bed and slamming the door in Phil’s face. Techno took a second to comprehend what Wilbur had just said, his words bouncing around in his mind as he felt himself start shaking and a tightness in his chest. His vision blurred with tears, he made his way to the window as quick as he could, not noticing that he had knocked a textbook onto the floor. He panicked and frantically climbed out the window, landing on the rocks just as Phil swiftly opened the creaky door to see what the noise was. Techno ran over to Tommy, who was still (not really) patiently waiting on the sidewalk with hands tearring aparts pieces of grass. _Come back down to my knees, gotta get back, gotta get free. Come back down to my knees, be like them, lean back and breathe._

“Woah, what’s wrong? Did they see you or some shit like that?” Tommy asked, a rare genuinely worried look on his face. Techno shook his head and grabbed at his wrist, pulling him away from the house. He started running, his heart beating way too fast to be healthy. “Hey, Technobitch stop, what the fuckin hells going on?” 

**‘He doesn’t care, he never did,’** Was Techno’s only comprehensible thought as the younger wiggled out of his grasp and gently pushed him onto the ground, kneeling next to him. Techno curled up against a tree and picked at his fingernails, tears streaming down his face. _Be like them, lean back and breathe._ **‘It’s my fault anyway, I left. He shouldn’t care about me. He probably feels like I never cared about him in the first place.”**

“Please don’t hurt yourself big man, I get why you’d want to but you can’t be doing that shit to yourself dude,” Tommy gently pulled Techno’s hands away from each other and shoved a squishy potato looking toy into them, unsure of what to do to help. Techno stared at the toy for a second, then looked back at Tommy and scoffed, giving the toy back to him and shakily standing up, walking away with a hurried pace made somewhat drunken looking due to the remaining panic from overhearing Phil’s and Wilbur’s conversation. Tommy stood there for a second, confused. He wasn’t sure if he’d done something wrong or not. He stood up and followed Techno leaving an awkward stalker-like distance between them, just in case he was mad. _Said I look mad, she said I look wasted._

**‘Today was not going to be a good day for anyone’** being Tommy’s last thought before focusing on making sure Techno didn’t get run over or some shit like that, that would be pretty unfortunate after all he had homework and he couldn't exactly plan a funeral right now.

_Lean back and breathe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song Life Itself of Paradise by Glass Animals


	4. Sad song, sad story with a history of abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A home. A home for who? Why does it matter if you have a home? Why do humans care about the concept so much? What is a home but anything other than what we make it?

Techno and Tommy got back, both flinching away from Skeppy’s mom as she welcomed them in with a tense smile. _Not long til I lose it_ . Tommy said he had school work, running up the stairs to the room he was staying in. He closed the door gently and sighed, taking his shoes off and sitting in his chair to face the bare white wall. He had nothing in “his'' room, just an old mattress with no sheets and a bookshelf with nothing on it, and a desk which was really just a fold out picnic table that had the structural integrity of a soggy cardboard box. _Not long til the drugs make me stupid._

**‘I wonder why he just gave it back to me and left,’** Tommy took out the small squishy toy, staring at it for a while, **‘I really hope he’s not mad at me.’** He put the toy on his desk and stood up, fetching his phone out of his pocket and plopping onto his bed. He played minecraft for a bit before he heard steps coming to his room. **‘Shit, whose footsteps are those? I don’t recognize them.’** _Not long til she figures out and moves._ A quiet knock came at his door followed by someone opening it. Techno stood there awkwardly, playing with his fingers. Tommy raised his eyebrow at him, setting his phone down and switching to a cross legged position. 

“I’m sorry for earlier.” Techno said shortly, refusing to make eye contact with the blond. Awkward silence filled the room, both unsure of what to say after that. 

Just as Techno turned around, Tommy blurted, “Hey, why aren’t you living with your parents? Did something happen between you and them? Did they kick you out or something? I just don’t get why you didn’t stay with them, seems a little ungrateful to them, y’know?” 

“Why aren’t you living with your parents, Tommy?” Techno hissed, turning back around to glare at him, “they didn’t want you, that much is clear.” Techno flinched at his own words, his hand flying to his mouth. He stared wide-eyed at Tommy, regretting what he’d just said. “Tommy, I’m sorry-”

“Get the fuck out, Techno.” Tommy said, tears building up in his eyes. Techno walked out and closed the door, leaving Tommy on the cold mattress. He stared at the bed, his arms crossing over his chest, soft sobs coming from his mouth. He leaned back on the metal headboard, trying to make himself stop crying before Skeppy’s mom came up, but he couldn’t. Techno’s words bounced around his mind, repeating over and over. 

**‘No one wants you, not even your own mother.” Tommy’s dad venomously shouted as he took another swig of his whiskey. “Are you seriously crying, kid? Wow, that’s fucking pathetic. Man up, the foster system wouldn’t treat you as nice as I am, you think you’d have any of this?” He threw the bottle at the wall and motioned for Tommy to grab him another one. Tommy shakily stood up and went to grab him a bottle, flinching as he walked passed his dad, thinking he was gonna hit him. He quickly grabbed one and put it on the table before trying to walk out of the apartment to get some air. “I’m givin’ you so much, you fucking brat. Don’t treat me like that.” Tommy opened the door and bolted out, running down the stairs and to the old, broken fence. He sat down and made himself as small as he could, curling up in the hopes that it would comfort him somewhat. The sound of the creaky, stained apartment door slamming and a bottle breaking made him flinch, tears welling up in his blue eyes.**

_Sad song, sad story with a history of abuse_

**‘Why did I say that to Techno? He could’ve gone through the same thing I did, even worse. I would run too if I wasn’t such a fucking pussy.”** Tommy scolded himself, his head in his hands. _Find out what to do, find out if you love me. While I find out how to move, coz I'm stuck in my brain again._ He shook his head, shakily standing up and shutting the vents and getting into his backpack, pulling out a pipe and a small bag of weed and going to his window, opening it up. He grinded the weed and packed the bowl, grabbing a lighter from his desk. Tommy put the pipe to his lips and took a hit, the sound of it burning was comforting to him somehow. He blew it out the window and coughed like hell, he’d forgotten the last time he’d actually smoked, maybe with Skeppy when he first moved in about a month ago. He took another hit and just kept going, tapping the bowl to get rid of the ash every few hits, staring at the scenery and it seemed more and more beautiful each hit he took. He grumbled as he packed another bowl, finally escaping his thoughts, only hearing the soft wind going by his window and the shuffling of trees. _Soften up my thoughts til my minds numb._ It wasn’t long until there was nothing left in the bag. He scoffed and threw the bag out and put his pipe back in his backpack. He sprayed some febreeze and laid down, putting on some soft music. Time flew by quickly, a minute turning into what felt like thirty seconds and thirty seconds turning into fifteen. He got up and closed the window. His eyes felt like pins and needles, his shoulders felt heavy and his throat ached. _I get sentimental when I'm on drugs._

He heard the front door open and close, assuming Skeppy’s mom had finally left, Tommy walked out of the room and down the stairs. To his surprise, she was still there along with Skeppy, who had finally come out of his room for once in his life. Skeppy mouthed, ‘it was Techno who left’. Tommy nodded and ran back up to his room. Techno always seemed to be so ready to go anywhere, to just up and leave. It was so odd, why did he need to move around so much?

_Not long til the blues hit, not long til she figures out I'm useless. I say I'm sorry that I sound like my dad, how sad, but I'm tryna make myself a better person._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song STUCKINMYBRAIN by Chase Atlantic


	5. The sky is coming down blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The home travels, for it is not a place but a group, a feeling attached to certain people. The home is expanding, adding on new rooms for new people as time goes on.

_Oh._

_Jumpstart, fat heart, pop tart, anyways, it's streamlined good time._

Phil sighed as he got the door slammed in his face once again. He wasn’t sure what to say to Wilbur, he was having a really hard time processing that Techno had left. Phil knew he actually cared that he’d left, he wouldn’t be acting like this if he didn’t. Phil turned around and started to head for the living room, but he heard a thump coming from Techno’s room and he paused, confused as fuck for a few seconds, then he ran in to see what the noise was. He caught a glimpse of pink hair going through the window, followed by the sound of running on rocks. He looked out the window to see Techno running to a stick-like blond boy and the both of them rushing away. He looked at the pinkettes desk, finding that his phone was no longer there. **‘I knew he’d come for it eventually. I guess I should tell Wilbur,’** he walked out of the room and quietly knocked on the brunette's door, “Hey, Will. Techno was just here and he ran off with a scrawny blond kid that looks like he hasn’t eaten in months, and he took his phone with him, too.” After he didn’t get an answer, he shuffled into the living room and sat down. 

“He was here? And he didn’t even tell us?” Wilbur said aloud, very obviously pissed off, “for fucks sake, he has to sneak around now, huh? Who the fuck does he think he is?” He grabbed his phone and went to contacts, blocking Techno and deleting all of their messages. _Oh my, tip the brain I'm in!_ He threw his phone at the wall and aggressively tugged on his usual worn out sweater and converse, leaving his beanie behind him as he left his room and walking to the living room. “I’m just gonna go cool off and go to the park.” He said before leaving the house, walking to the neighborhood park, which was really the only place that never reminded him of Techno. He sat down in an empty tennis court and leaned back against the net post, crossing his legs and staring at the clouds. Taking a breath of fresh air felt good after spending all that time in his room, too focused on what he did to make Techno leave to comprehend anything else. He sighed, forcing himself out of his thoughts and just paying attention to the random sounds he heard. The birds, a random dog barking somewhere, a tennis ball getting hit around- Humming away! _Leaning in and falling, on anything!_

“Crap, dad I think I hit him!” A boy that didn’t look much older than Tommy came rushing to Wilbur’s side, picking up the ball and throwing it inside of his bag before sitting down next to Will. “He’s out! I just killed a man, dad what am I supposed to do-” _The sky is coming down blue, and I'll hold it up with you._

“Chill, Tubbo. You didn’t kill him, just knocked him out. I suppose if we just left him here he’d wake up eventually.” His dad walked up to them, yawning. He dropped his racket next to the passed out boy, shaking him a bit. He shrugged and got up, putting the racket in Tubbo’s bag and zipping it up, moving the little bee keychains out of the way so he could close the stubborn thing properly.

“Wilbur? Hey, it’s time for dinner.” A man's voice yelled out. Tubbo looked around and saw no one but them at the park. Neither of them were named Wilbur. Meaning the guy that passed out was.

“Hey he’s dead! I’m sorry I smacked him in the head with a tennis ball and he just dropped!” Tubbo yelled out and the man looked at him like he was insane. He ran over and checked on Wilbur, confused. He felt the back of his head and there was a huge fucking bump.

_L_ _isten, pigpen, I am everything you ordered. No more, drug store: mark your calendar!_

“How did he manage to pass out via a tennis ball hit by some kid?” Phil absently wondered out loud, picking Wil up to take him to the car. Tubbo stopped him, asking where he was taking him. “The hospital, if He’s passed out that’s gotta mean the ball had to have hit him pretty hard.” 

“Let us go with you! After all we are the ones that hit him!” Tubbo frowned as his father sighed, scratching the back of his head and shrugging as Phil looked at him. 

_Humming away! Leaning in and falling, on anything!_

“I guess you guys could come?” Phil said, articulating as it more of a question than anything else, not really sure who they were. Tubbo cheered and grabbed his bag, dragging his dad along with him while he followed Phil to his car. He put Wilbur in the front seat with Tubbo and the man dressed in the blue sweater in the back, they drove to the hospital in very awkward silence. “So uh, who are you guys?” 

“My name’s Shlatt, this is my son Tubbo. I promise we’re not murderers or anything like that, my son just feels bad or something.” Shlatt introduced them tiredly, shifting a bit. Phil nodded and continued driving, now feeling even more awkward now that Shlatt had brought up the two being murderers. Once they finally got there the two let Phil handle everything while they hung back, chilling in the quite uncomfortable seats and Tubbo kept playing with his bee keychains, squishing them and picking at them. He felt really bad, after all he just caused a dude a stay at the hospital, which he assumed was pretty scary to wake up to after you were just trying to vibe at the park.

_The sky is coming down blue and I'll hold it up with you, but there's always something, something you can't leave alone._

His leg bounced rapidly as he tried to think up something to say to Phil other than just a simple ‘sorry’, but nothing came to his head. **“God, I’m really the definition of ‘no thoughts head empty’ right now,”** Tubbo mentally let out a breath he didn’t know he needed to and dropped his head in his lap, now he was just genuinely freaking out. He saw Phil walking back towards them and immediately stood up, “I’m so sorry Mr, this is all my fault! I should’ve paid attention to where i was hitting the ball but I just didn’t know he was there, plus I don’t really know how to play tennis so I wasn’t very coordinated and-”

“It’s okay, Tubbo,” Phil snatched a few pounds from his wallet, “go get yourself something from the cafeteria, okay? Just go chill out.”

_Humming away! Leaning in and falling, on anything! The sky is coming down blue, and I'll hold it up with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song Small World by Jack Stauber


	6. Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Death, home, safety, money, items, and people. All of them are more or less valuable to every human alive on the planet but they are some of the only constants. Every human will be greedy but in return they may be selfless and attempt to help someone who does not feel as though they need to or should be saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, ama (perennialroot) here, I apologize for how long this took! Motivation just did not- it didn't work idk but I really hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

_Boy, when I left you you were young, I was gone, but not my love._

The dark night sky splattered with stars could be seen reflected in the puddles on the ledge. It was beautiful in a tragic way, how the wind was soothing, how the skyline looked as if it was made of cosmo reflecting glass, how the movement of the trees was so hypnotic. The sunset was always beautiful from the ledge, with the black shadows of birds cutting through the yellow, pink, red, and dark blue sky like a knife through melted butter. You could faintly see the hill that many had been rejected on from the very edge, why people continued to ask people out there was a mystery that no one could figure out for the life of themselves. There was a beach somewhere off to the west that although you could not see from the area had an interesting history due to the large number of people that had drowned themselves there, drowning was a frankly a horrible way to go in the opinion of many because you would feel so much panic and there would often be other people there on the beach who could save you. Falling was irreversible and there was almost no way to stop someone physically without also risking your own life in the process. The ledge had grown moss and weeds over time as the building was abandoned due to the history of the ledge, resulting in the building becoming unstable in some areas, making even the trip up to the top dangerous if you weren't careful, although for most coming to the ledge being careful was not something that could be comprehended anymore.

_You were clearly meant for more than a life lost in the war._

In an ironic way the most beautiful area of this wretched world was also the most captivating with its mix of nature and man. One would expect the ledge to invoke fear or apprehension but it had very much the opposite effect on many, those who knew the beauty in death could be found there often either to appreciate this place of sorrow and beauty or to join those who had jumped before in the nothingness that came after one left this plane of existence.

_I want you to be happy, free to run, get dizzy on caffeine. Funny friends that make you laugh, and maybe you're just a little bit dappy._

Techno stood on the ledge, breathing heavily as he started off at the stars, the tips of his shoes barely hanging off of the ledge as he tried to think of a reason not to step off. He looked down, he could barely see the concrete from the ledge. His body itched to jump, to get rid of every single trace of himself that he'd ever left in this world, to stop burdening everyone around him and making them feel like shit. He'd caused so much pain for the people that had ever gotten close to him, especially Wilbur who'd been there for as long as he could remember, who'd helped him through so much and been there when Techno couldn't do the same for him. **"I'm so fucking selfish. I took and I took, but I never gave."** Techno kneeled down and just started into the abyss, undoing his braid and letting the small ribbon he used to tie it up fly away. **"Wilbur gave me everything. Phil tried to give me everything, and what did I do? I ran away from them as if they never did anything. I'm so unappreciative. I caused Will so much pain and Phil has to deal with my bullshit now. If I just… I couldn't hurt them anymore."**

_Fly. Feel your mother at your side, don't you know you got my eyes. I'll make you fly, You'll be happy all the time, I know you can make it right._

Techno took a deep breath and held out his arms, but right when he was about to let his body fall, the metal door to the top of the building swung open. The pinkette turned around and to his surprise, he saw Tommy standing there, breathing heavily as if he'd been running around town for hours. "Techno please, step away from the ledge, please you can't do this-" the blond reached out to grab Technos arm. Techno took a step back to avoid him and gasped as he felt himself plummeting to the ground, Tommy stood at the ledge holding a hand out as if Techno wasn't already far enough to grab it. Tommy swung open the old, rotting door and ran down the moss covered unstable stairs to reach the bottom. When he finally got down, Technos unconscious body was laying there, an arm and both legs twisted at an odd angle in a gut wrenching horrible way that made him want to rip his eyes out. "Techno!" Tommy cried out, rushing towards him with tears streaming down his face. He kneeled down next to the older and checked his pulse, which was surprisingly still going although it did occasionally falter slightly in a way that felt familiar to stuttering. Tommy frantically grabbed desperately for his barely functional phone that resided in his pocket so he could dial 911. 

"911, what's your emergency?" The person at the other end of the line asked. 

_Boy, now your life is back to front, but you'll see thats not for long 'cause I know you'll feel the ghost of some memories so warm._

"Please help- my friend just.. he fell off the old-" Tommy tried to breathe but his chest was tighter than he'd ever felt before, his throat dry as he cried out and sobbed. "The old tower ledge thing-" 

"The ambulance will be right there, sir." The call ended and Tommy threw his phone against the concrete, holding Techno's hand. 

**"Please man, you can't die.. you were the only one that didn't judge me.."** Tommy thought, **"you were the only one that wanted me.."** a few minutes passed and Tommy heard the, unfortunately, familiar sound of the ambulance. _Boy, I want you to be happy, free to run, get dizzy on caffeine. Funny friends that make you laugh and maybe you're just a little bit dappy._ Tommy coughed and stared at Techno before checking his pulse again. It had significantly slowed down. The EMT's rushed over and had to physically pull Tommy away to get Techno on the stretcher. "Let me ride with him, please I don't have any other way of getting there and I want to be with him when he wakes up," Tommy said, exhausted. 

The ride was only registrable occasionally to Tommy due to the bumps of the road and the frantic, quick movements of the workers in the back trying to keep Techno in a stable state long enough to reach the damned bleach smelling stupid hospital. He would later be thankful that he had not been really present in the moment, for if he had he would most definitely thrown up and then collapsed onto the floor due to the sudden lack of adrenaline and realization of what exactly had just happened.

_Fly. Feel your mother at your side, don't you know you got my eyes. I'll make you fly, You'll be happy all the time, I know you can make it right._

Tommy sat next to Techno's hospital bed for what felt like hours before he finally decided to get up and go to the cafeteria. He shuffled out of the room and opened the door to the cafeteria, pulling out a few coins and popping them into the vending machine slot and getting some coca-cola. He took it and sat at the nearest bench, taking a big gulp of the soda before slumping down in the seat and putting his head in his arms. He was so unsure of what to do with himself. If anything he'd just caused a guy to try and commit suicide, and then almost helped him in the process. 

"Hey, are you alright," Someone asked, sitting next to Tommy. Tommy jumped and looked at who'd spoken to him, a brunette boy with green eyes and a forest green button up shirt. "sorry if I scared you, you just looked really down." The boy opened up his snack and offered some to Tommy, a big smile on his face. 

_Boy, I want you to be happy, free to run, get dizzy on caffeine. Funny friends that make you laugh and maybe you're just a little bit dappy._

"Uh no thanks. Who are you anyways?" 

"Oh! My name's Tubbo! I'm here cuz I accidentally knocked some guy out with a tennis ball." Tubbo ate some of his snack. The guy was very obviously anxious, his leg bouncing up and down rapidly. Tommy nodded and took another sip of his coke, slowly moving away from Tubbo. He just seemed too nice. Tommy picked at the bandages on his arms and frowned as they were getting old and needed to be replaced, but Techno wasn't gonna be there to fix them. Tears started welling up in the blond's eyes again. "Oooh, you wanna see my bee keychains? I kinda mess around with them when I'm nervous." Tommy's head shot up to look at Tubbo, surprised by his sudden talking. Tubbo pulled out two small squishy bee keychains and showed them to tommy.

"Oh, that's pretty cool." Tommy said, "can I see one?" Tubbo nodded and handed one to him. Tommy started fiddling with it, confused as to why he couldn't get it to break. 

"I don't remember when my dad bought them for me but I was around the age of six I'm pretty sure. He couldn't afford a lot at the time but he did his best." Tubbo spoke fondly of his dad, another big smile on his face as he reminisced on his childhood. "Wanna meet him? He's in the waiting room!" 

_Fly. Feel your mother at your side, don't you know you got my eyes. I'll make you fly, You'll be happy all the time, I know you can make it right, I'll make you…_

Tommy hesitated before nodding, maybe it would be a nice distraction from Techno. They walked into the room and Tubbo ran over to who Tommy thought was his father and another blond dude that was wearing a striped bucket hat. Phil looked over and his eyes widened. Tubbo motioned Tommy over and he shrugged, walking over and waving hello as he did so. Tubbo's dad waved back but the other guy didn't, he seemed to be shocked or something. "Phil what's wrong?" Tubbo frowned. 

"You're the kid I saw with Techno earlier today. You guys were running away from the house after he stole his phone back." Phil said. Tommy chuckled and nodded a bit, scratching the back of his head. "Why are you here? Is Techno okay?" 

"I- uh.. sir," Tommy stuttered over his words, "I'm so sorry but.. Techno, he- he tried to uh, kill himself. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything, when I got there he.." **'lie, tommy. you can't make him mad at you, that never ends well, lying makes him less likely to hurt you.'** "he'd already jumped."

_Boy, I want you to be happy, free to run, get dizzy on caffeine. Funny friends that make you laugh, and maybe you're just a little bit..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song Youth by Glass Animals


	7. I get a little grey hair for every scare you share

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home. Their home has been torn apart and distorted. Why do you care about their home when you should worry about your own?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, ama here again! I realized it's starting to take longer and longer to get these out lol. It's difficult to find the inspiration but creativity is a real fuckin process, but I hope you enjoy the story! :>
> 
> hello, nova (fallen) here. editing and writing is taking a while on my side as well for mental health reasons. we made some playlists for the characters however if you want to get a feel for how we view them in this story.
> 
> Phil: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3GXeINl3Wbzuo1cAlbLaep?si=KsYvl31cRtSOWnyqyaJyow  
> Wilbur: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6KLZORf0nJVZZLV8VZWEre?si=uW7RDS6rQGuxPFnj1Ni1VA  
> Techno: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3w5iuXjkv54vMBdSEkWrKL?si=CeXe8qsRRTW3bx2rDtrbEA  
> Tommy: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0DmPCy1ALct8scTTkvZoEp?si=aGqxl6dSRPOj2LTB6mmJ_w  
> Tubbo: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/19P4b4uDZJA2WiRJwzE49Z?si=0mSJZX_1QcCiCA94xqfITA  
> Schlatt: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4QngAosowNwWsAZ7R9Pzip?si=yXyGyIiWTeyGl_ABzc2cXA

_Set the phasers to rot, What has got you distraught? It's negative attention at best, but call it nothing. Maybe it's something, a little bit, a little bit, maybe it's something to do a little bit. It's all about ascension, I guess, don't put me to rest._

Phil stood in shock, completely frozen in his place with wide worried eyes. "What? Why would he do that?" He asked softly. Tommy gulped and started to pick at his bandaged arms, feeling his heartbeat speed up. 

_Go on and hand me your clothes. (O-oh, here you go). Take a picture or two. (Two or three?). I can see you. (Oh)_

"I don't know, I thought he was fine, I said a few hurtful things to him before he left the house but I thought he just needed a break, I didn't think he'd try to…" Tommy trailed off, feeling incredibly guilty and a little scared. He didn't mean to say those things to Techno. It'd just slipped out, before he even realized he had said it, it was too late. It reinforced in his mind all of the hurtful statements about how he should shut up and about how him talking just fucked everything up that had been said throughout the years by both his biological father, as well as various members of the foster care system. The undeniable stabbing of fear in his chest at the shorter males question was not ignored or without reason though, the nagging fear of being hurt by the worried man, although irrational, was still present. **‘I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up. If me just existing was enough of a reason to try and kill me, surely almost driving some dude's son to fucking jumping off of a cliff is enough of a reason to be pissed at me. Sure it was unintentional, but that doesn't change that fact that I was being such an ignorant dickhead.”**

“That’s okay, I just need to go try and see him.” Phil said after what felt like hours of silence, taking off his hat and throwing it onto the chair he was previously sitting on, then walked away towards the reception desk. Tommy nodded and shakily looked back at Tubbo and his father, who looked extremely confused about the situation. The blond didn’t say anything about it, instead introduced himself to Tubbo’s father. None of them brought it up again before Phil came back, they just made awkward small talk and after a minute or two of that the two younger decided to play mobile minecraft together after it had been mentioned by Schlatt. Tommy couldn’t help but listen to the conversation between Phil and the receptionist, as it was the only noise he could hear. 

_Tears falling down at the party, saddest little baby in the room. Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started, I get a little grey hair for every scare you share. Those aren't meant to bend. No, those aren't meant to bend. Those aren't meant to bend. No, those aren't meant to bend._

“Please just let me see my son,” Phil pleaded desperately, “I just want to make sure he’s okay!” 

_I hear your eyes and I see those cries. I hear those eyes and I see those cries. I can't be the only one who hears you._

“Sir I’m sorry, you’re not registered as his guardian. I can’t let you see him or disclose any information on his situation as of yet. Sir, please return to the area that you were previously waiting in so that I may return to providing valuable information on the state of patients to both staff and registered visitors.” The woman said, slightly annoyed, and resumed her clicking on the poorly functioning hospital computer. Phil gave up and walked back over to them, putting his hat back on and plopping in his seat. Tommy’s heart still hadn’t calmed down, he could feel it pounding in his chest and felt it was loud enough for the others to hear. Tommy looked up for just a second to see tears streaming down Phil’s face and guilt hit him harder than a truck. He quickly looked back down at his phone to see the death message, ‘TommyInnit was slain by Tubbo_’. He gave Tubbo a glare as the brunette giggled quietly. Tommy laughed a little bit too, a small smile on his face as he continued to play with Tubbo.

About an hour or so later, one of the nurses came out and called Phil to Wilbur’s room seeing as he had awoken and was asking for him. Phil got up and followed the nurse to Will’s room, entering and sitting down next to him.

“So what the fuck happened to me?” Wilbur asked immediately after she’d left, “I was just at the park and boom, I’m out and in the hospital?” Phil chuckled a bit at that.

“Someone hit you with a tennis ball while they were hitting it around, you just got knocked out.” Phil said, his voice a bit strained from crying. Wilbur noticed this immediately, sitting up more to take a good look at his father’s face. He scoffed.

“Why were you crying, afraid I’d never wake up?” Wilbur tried to joke, a smile tugging at his lips. Though, once he saw that Phil didn’t laugh at that and instead looked at the ground with a sad look, he instantly lost his joking mood and raised his eyebrow in concern, staring at Phil, expecting him to explain why he looked so upset. “Are you okay, Phil..?” He asked once his father didn’t say a word.

_Tears falling down at the party, saddest little baby in the room._

“Techno heard what you said earlier, about you not wanting him around and that he was just a burden to you. He’s in the hospital, too. He tried to kill himself. I’m sure that’s not the only reason.” Phil said. Wilbur’s eyes widened and he slammed his hand against his mouth, a strange tingling pain erupting in his chest. “The kid that I saw him running away with apparently said some hurtful words to him as well, so you’re not all to blame. Though he brought him here, apparently he tried to save Techno but he was too late. They won’t let me see him because I can’t legally adopt Techno since I just kinda stole you two off the road. It’s technically illegal that I have you two, I could be labeled as a kidnapper if the foster system put in the effort to find you.” Phil rambled, feeling tears drop down his chin. He wasn’t sure what to do, he’d never thought he’d be in a situation like this, he felt like a complete failure. **‘I wasn’t even capable of making Techno feel safe enough to stay in the house, I also didn’t even know him well enough to guess where he went, but I should’ve. I should’ve been there and taken action as soon as I saw Techno acting strange. This is all my fault.’** Phil choked out a sob and put his hands on his face, trying to wipe the tears away. _Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started, I get a little grey hair for every scare you share._

“My fucking god,” Wilbur said, “can I see that kid that Techno ran away with?” He asked, fiddling with the thin hospital blanket. Phil nodded and walked out quickly, grabbing Tommy and bringing him to Wilbur’s room. Confused, Tommy stared at Wilbur with wide eyes and awkwardly stood at the door, feeling a little loopy because of all the anxiety this gave him. “What did you say to him?” Wilbur asked in a low voice. Tommy backed up a little and gulped, unsure of what to say. _Those aren't meant to bend. No, those aren't meant to bend. Those aren't meant to bend. No, those aren't meant to bend._

“I uh, I pushed him to talk about his home life and, well when he didn’t talk to me I called him ungrateful for running away.” Tommy admitted, staring at his shoes and refusing to make eye contact with either of them. “I really regret it now, because I was just being really ignorant and since I grew up in an abusive household I should’ve thought about saying it, because for all I know he could’ve been going through something worse. I don’t know why I said any of that.” Wilbur seemed to get really angry about that. “So what about you, huh? What’d you say to him? When he snuck back in that house to grab his phone he came out and had a panic attack but refused to tell me anything.” 

“Shut the fuck up. I don’t need to tell you shit. Once he gets out of the hospital he’s coming back and living with us, and I’ll never fucking let you see him again.” 

“Might wanna check with him on that one. You’re the one he ran away from.” Tommy spat back, finally gaining some courage to look Wilbur in the eyes. 

“You’re the one that drove him to suicide.” Wilbur hissed. Wilbur opened his mouth to say something but Phil gave him a death glare, then pushed Tommy out of the room so they both had a chance to cool down. Tommy walked back to Tubbo and Shlatt and sat back down, pretending that nothing ever happened. Tommy honestly refused to take all the blame for it, since Wilbur must have said something to make Techno feel like shit too. Tommy didn’t really like assuming things, especially now, but if Techno had that kind of reaction when he came out of the house, either something inside triggered him, or someone did, and the blond thought it probably was Wilbur being a dickhead. Techno most likely knew what set him off, he seemed really well-rounded, so he wouldn’t have gone in there if he knew it would cause him to react like that. 

_Tears falling down at the party, saddest little baby in my eye. Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started, I might die._

**‘I just hope he’s going to be okay. Even if he never talks to me after this, just knowing he survived and could go on living happily with Wilbur and Phil would make me happy.’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized bits are from Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber


	8. I understand, I understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back home again. Did you ever leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Nova here again. We have a new chapter for y'all not sure how long we will have this creative boost but we will try and get at least one more chapter or maybe even a connecting story out for y'all.

_I mend the heart with practice. When I'm in town I hold the hand, I bend with the bandit. We live it down and I understand._

Phil refused to leave Wilbur’s side until he was let go. The tension of when Tommy was in the room was still there throughout the whole time they were there, Wilbur must have been thinking about what the blond had said before he was pushed out of the door. They both sat quietly, Phil on his phone trying to distract himself from earlier thoughts and Wilbur anxiously playing with the side of his blanket. As soon as Wilbur got discharged Phil drove him back home and made him stay there, not wanting either of his sons to go through a mental panic when they saw each other. When Phil got back to the hospital, Schlatt was passed out on the chair and the two boys were playing on their phones. “You know Techno’s probably not even gonna wake up tonight right, Tommy? You should probably go home before your parents start to worry about you.” Phil said. _But in the cot I better not or be called on the stand, but in the pod I met your God and the part I understand._

“I don’t want to go home. I’d rather stay here.” Tommy mumbled, refusing to even glance at Phil. This was the very moment he noticed Tommy’s bandaged arms and the prominent dark circles under his eyes. Phil frowned, knowing the kids unwillingness to go home and the bandages probably meant he was getting hurt there. He decided to keep an eye on him, just in case. Tommy’s phone buzzed obnoxiously a few times, each time being sent to voicemail before he got annoyed. “I’m gonna go take this call.” Tommy walked away to the cafeteria and called Skeppy, little pieces of the screen falling out. 

_But in the cot I better not or be called on the stand, cus in the pod I met your God and the part I understand._

“You stupid motherfucker, where are you and Techno? It’s 3am, mom’s worried sick!” Skeppy yelled through the phone without giving Tommy a chance to speak. “Especially about you!”

“She’s not fucking worried about me, Skeppy. The only reason she wants me there is so she can take her anger out on me when she gets home.” Tommy hissed, finally done with Skeppy believing his mom was such a good person. “The bruises and cuts on my arms? They aren’t from the stairs, they’re from your fucking mother. We’re at the hospital and I'm staying here tonight, tell your mom I won’t be coming home.” Tommy hung up and turned his phone off, shoving it in his pocket and stomping out of the room. He threw open the door, only to be met with a small squeak and Phil on the floor, protecting his face from the door. 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I just wanted to check on you,” Phil quickly said, getting up off the floor. “I promise I barely heard anything.” 

“Don’t you have other shit to worry about? Techno’s dying and you’re checking up on me? Go see how your son is doing, old man.” Tommy rolled his eyes, pushing passed Phil to get back to the waiting room. Phil sighed, tears building up in his eyes again at the mention of Techno. Obviously the thought of seeing Techno was always in the back of his mind, he just tried to ignore it and find ways to get his mind off of it. He was so used to being strong for Techno and Will, holding back emotions until he was left alone, doing whatever he could for them no matter how he was feeling. If they ever needed him, he was there. He easily saw patterns and automatically knew when to jump in, even when they refused help. He was so used to being alone anyway, he never really had anybody else so he didn’t mind it, but refused to let anybody else feel that way. Tommy reminded him a lot of himself, in the ‘not wanting to burden anyone with my stupid problems because I mean so much less than everybody else’ and ‘I’m just gonna run away from this problem and pretend that it’s just not there’ way. He could tell just by how he acted. 

_In the cot I better not or be called on the stand, but in the pod I met your God and the part I understand._

Phil ran and caught up to Tommy, “Don’t be an idiot. I’m checking up on you because of Techno’s condition, you must’ve been pretty close. Also, you look like you just fucking died three times over. If you’re not going to go home, at least let me take you back to mine so you can get some proper rest and something to eat.” He said, “and let me fix up those bandages, they’re getting nasty.” 

“What about Tubbo and Schlatt? You drove them over here, did you not?”

“I did, we’ll wake Schlatt up and take them home, then we’ll head over to my house. You don’t have to worry about Wilbur either, he’s probably asleep by now. As long as you can keep it civil at breakfast then we’ll be fine.” Phil gave Tommy no choice, he just walked ahead to go wake Schlatt. Once he’d woken up Phil shoved everyone into the car and took them home, Tubbo giving Tommy a big hug and a piece of paper with his number on it before hopping out and joining his dad. Phil and Tommy drove home in a tense but comfortable silence, both too tired to spark a conversation. Phil wanted the other to tell him everything about Techno, the situation and what led up to it, everything that he knew. Though he didn’t ask, it wasn’t his to know. He was just tired of trying to put a broken puzzle back together. Thankfully Wilbur slept the entire ride so he didn’t have to worry about that catastrophe.

The house was oddly homey from the outside with its vines and overgrown hedges that intruded on the path to the front door. The windows looked like they hadn't been cleaned in well over a decade with the amount of dust and cobwebs that had built up.

Phil parked the car in the driveway and they both got out, lazily shuffling to the door and throwing the door open, neither really worrying about the fact the door was unlocked. Wilbur heading straight inside, trying to get away from everyone as fast as possible. Tommy stood awkwardly at the door and looked around, the house looking extremely cozy. It was messy, but Tommy much preferred it. He thought that was better because it looked lived in, unlike really clean houses that gave him an uncomfortable uptight vibe. “Alright kiddo, I’m gonna go get new bandages and a few pillows and blankets, wait on the couch for me.” Tommy nodded and sat on the couch, refusing to relax as he looked for any possible signs of danger. His eyes cautiously darted around the room and carefully mapped out a way to escape if things turned out badly. “I know me just saying this isn’t going to convince you, but I promise no one will hurt you here. It’s safe, really.” Phil kneeled down next to Tommy and motioned for his arm. 

_But in the cot I better not or be called on the stand, ooh, hmm, but in the pod I met your God and the part I understand- stand, oh!_

**“I’m sorry Phil, this is all my fault. If I had just stopped him none of this would be happening.”** Phil’s eyes widened and he looked up at Tommy, dropping the gauze in shock. “I mean really, if I got there maybe even a second before he wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.” 

“Shut the fuck up!” He yelled, covering his ears. “Just stop fucking blaming yourselves, I’m so tired of this. None of us here are to blame, okay? Just stop with that bullshit, it’s so selfish!” Tommy flinched at the sudden raise of voice, pulling his legs to his chest in a sort of defensive position. Phil sat on the ground, eyes glued to the floor as he attempted to recollect himself. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I didn’t mean to yell, I’m just stressed and tired. Let me fix your arms up and we can both head to bed, yeah?” Tommy hesitantly held out his arm again and he gently took the old bandage off and cringed at the sight of it, it was all purple, black and yellow and his wrist looked too swollen to be fully intact. Phil got up and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and held it out, letting Tommy grab it and place it on his wrist himself. Phil wrapped the other arm up first because it wasn’t near as bad, then wrapped the gauze around the ice pack so it would stay while Tommy slept. 

_But in the cot I better not or be called on the stand-stand, but in the pod I met your God and the part I understand, understand._

“Thank you, old man.” Tommy uttered. “Goodnight, see you in the morning I guess.” Phil walked away with a small smile on his face, knowing he’d made progress with him, even if just a tiny bit. The smile faded as he walked away and got to his room, the quiet becoming too loud and terrible thoughts overwhelmed him. He sat on his bed and held his head, overthinking the entire situation, any rational thought being pushed aside. He really did regret not bringing how Techno was acting earlier, because maybe if he did both of his sons would still be in mostly stable conditions. He loved them both with all his heart, and seeing them hurting themselves and hurting each other put any other type of pain he’d ever felt to shame. The worst thing about it was that he didn’t even know how to help, he felt all he could do was watch from the sidelines and hope everything would be okay in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song I Understand by Jack Stauber


	9. Holding out for better days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is never safe. Don't let it fool you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have another chapter! Sorry the streams really hit both of us hard and we started work on something that we hope to share with all of you from this universe soon. The first chapter will be added to the series this is a part of soon hopefully. -Nova

_How could I ever sleep at night? My conscience left me petrified, staring at the ceiling wide awake, reliving all my worst mistakes._

The morning was bright and sunny, but in Phil’s predicament of having a mental breakdown and spending the entire night staring at the wall, the sunlight was like a slap in the face with a hot frying pan followed by warm agonizing pain. The bedroom smelled of dust and old paper, the dust was normal but the paper was new and somewhat concerning. Looking around slowly so as not to bother his stiff neck muscles too much Phil was able to figure out what the cause of the old paper smell was, although it only made him feel more nauseous. An old drawing made by Wilbur and Techno when they were around the ages of 11 showing all three of them catching poorly drawn fireflies in the backyard was ripped to shreds next to his right hand. He stared at it blankly before slowly shambling towards the door to exit the bedroom.

_Til I finally got a decent job and I got a place I'll never own. We'll knock some holes into the walls, to make it feel more like a home._

_How could I ever sleep at night? When you left, you left me paralyzed, tryna keep my head above the waves, holding out for brighter better days._

The smell of burnt toast (no, he was not having a heartattack, despite what tommy might say he wasn’t over a thousand fucking years old) welcomed him as he crossed the threshold from the comfort of his monster can filled room to the hallway that was lined with old pictures of the currently unstable family. The smell became more pungent as he moved towards the open door to the kitchen, the faint shape of a gremlin child greeting him as he leant against the doorframe. 

“The fuck do you think you are doing in the kitchen at 5am?” was the only thing his foggy sleep-addled brain could come up with in the moment.

_And you boys just lift me up to let me down, every single time you come around. I'm making friends who don't know who I am, tryna turn the hurt into a brand._

_How could I ever sleep at night? I'm blue dreaming about the better times. Anything to bring me close to you, anything to take me back to._

The startled squeak of “T- Toast?” was unexpected to say the least, but then again he had basically just randomly started talking to Tommy with basically no warning that he was even awake.

A grunt was the only response back to the child once he had seen that the burnt toast had been thrown away already. The scent of burnt toast thankfully wouldn't linger too long with the somewhat functional air circulation of the thankfully not too old house. The two somewhat functioning, albeit sleepy and slow, human beings were able to find a temporary peace while waiting for Wilbur to awaken.

“Should we head to McDonalds without Wilbur and just hope that he is okay with whatever we bring back?” Phil questioned the obviously tired teen before him in a tone that showed just how done he was with everything that had been going on recently.

_Friday nights, foggy streets and Christmas lights. Wake me up on Saturday, grab my hand and float away into the abyss again. And I will always be your friend, so grab my hand, take my hand I can't do this alone._

He was greeted with a nod that was really more similar to flinging down your head while trying to break your neck, but he counted it as a go ahead signal regardless, grabbing the keys to the car he herded Tommy outside before heading out the front door. Sending a quick text message to Wilbur that they were headed to go grab food before applying pressure to the gas pedal and starting the fairly short drive.

Tommy had hidden in the back of the car, placed specifically so that he wasn’t viewable from the front of the car. Leaning his head against the cool window showed nothing but slightly damp pavement, some somewhat dead trees, and a dreary cloudy grey sky was all that greeted him. He completely zoned out the entire ride, so when the car jerked to a stop and turned off he let out a frankly embarrassing mix of a squeal and a high pitched shout of “What the fuck bitch” in his panic.

_Friday nights, foggy streets and Christmas lights. Wake me up on Saturday, grab my hand and float away into the abyss again. And I will always be your friend (Be your friend!) so grab my hand, take my hand I can't do this alone._

Entering the house in a daze he shuffles right past a barely awake Wilbur, who glares at him to try and somewhat hide his extreme displeasure at the fact the stupid child was still present after all of the issues he had caused for the family over the past few days. The overwhelming urge to absolutely break the child in front of him was getting harder and harder to ignore. **‘Why the fuck did this little shit think he was actually wanted in the house by anyone after he had fucked up Techno’s life so much?’** Punching Tommy in the face out of nowhere was something he wouldn't learn about until after the apparent fight when Phil was cleaning the wounds on his hands.

_Friday nights, foggy streets and Christmas lights. Wake me up on Saturday, grab my hand and float away into the abyss again. And I will always be your friend (I’ll be your friend!) so grab my hand, take my hand I can't do this alone._

Faintly he could recognize the sound of skin being hit, Tommy’s head cracking on the floor with a sickening noise, and Phil asking if he wanted hashbrowns. At some point he was pulled off of Tommy’s collapsed body by Phil, who thankfully appeared more worried for him than the gremlin child. Tommy moved back to the room he had been sleeping in the night before while Phil washed and bandaged Wilbur’s hands.

_Na na na na nana na na. Na na na na nana na na. Na na na na nana na na. We'll make this feel more like a home._

The probable concussion made getting to the room without falling over fairly difficult. Getting up the stairs though was the worst bit because his vision kept focusing on random things and his body didn't seem to be responding to his brain in the way it should have. The presence of blood drying in his hair definitely should have bothered him but it really only reminded him of his childhood in a dark twisted nostalgic way. The fogginess that had started to consume his brain increased as he neared the edge of sleep, **‘maybe a quick nap will help with the concussion I probably have from that hit against the ground’** being his last thought as he fell asleep curled up in a ball on the floor stuffed into a corner facing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized bits are lyrics from the song classic j dies and goes to hell part 1by glass beach


End file.
